My heart hurts as I write this, and even though it has been so long since you left us, for reasons I can’t seem to explain, it hits different this time. I don’t know – perhaps I’m feeling more emotional today cause it’s just a crazy time right now. This has been THE MOST TUMULTUOUS year, not just for myself, but for the entire world where life as we knew it was pretty much turned upside down, inside out, and bent over backwards. Or maybe it’s the fact that our family has reached some pretty big milestones this year, and I have found myself thinking more and more about what life would be like if you were still alive. I mean, that’s what all the books call “suffering” right? – The pain of the stories that could have been.
The “could have been’s”. The “what if’s”. The “if only’s”.
But alas, we must sink back to reality; the reality of you not being here, well in the physical realm anyway. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about it. In fact, I think about it often especially in the last few months as Robbert and I are preparing to buy our first home together. As I’m slowly starting to “check off” these big milestones for myself, it’s just made me wonder more and more about the kind of life you would be living. Where would you be? What kind of house would you be living in? How would you decorate it? What kind of job would you be working? Would you be a mother by now? How many kids would you have? In every day conversation, these questions almost seem trivial and basic, but I would give anything to just have one of these basic conversations with you again. But unfortunately, heaven doesn’t have any visiting hours.
Mom & dad are doing well, given the current circumstances. This past holiday was tough though since as you know, we all live in different parts of the world that Christmas time is the only time of year we get together – but that looked a whole lot different this year. I know both mom and dad were sad about it, as we all were, but we are sincerely hoping Christmas 2021 brings better things. Lorel & Tim are ENGAGED!!! Can you believe it? Our little-not-so-little sister anymore is getting married!! I am so looking forward to their wedding day, as I’m sure you would be too. We will definitely be thinking of you. In other news, they are also in Scotland now!!! To be honest, I was incredibly bummed out that we could not see each other over the holidays given that they live so close now; but again, hoping that changes soon… if not this year, then hopefully in 2022. Kuya & Sadia are also doing well, having relocated from Montreal to Mississauga. Kuya has left his job at McGill and is now working for a company based out in Boston, and Sadia graduated from journalism school in Columbia a few months ago.
Ate Loren, I miss you so much. I have been thinking about you so often lately, and most especially today. Last night, I was talking to Robbert about you, and even he couldn’t help but get emotional as well. I wish you were here.
Your life meant so much, and even in death, you touched so many people’s lives. You will never be forgotten, not today, not ever. Today, I honor the short but beautiful life you lived. I love you.